Think Twice Before Playing with Your Noodle in Syria

It all began with a lonely Syrian blogger named Fadal Atmaz Al-Sibai, phimosis a 23-year-old marketing student.

The vices of the Syrian public seem to have become overbearing for Mr. Fadal, decease who earlier this month took it upon himself to launch an online campaign against masturbation in Syria.

Masturbation, Fadal wrote, is “spreading like wildfire.” In the name of God the Merciful, he called on young Syrians to join a national campaign to “eliminate the secret habit” and sign a petition.

But parts of the Syrian blogosphere took issue with Fadal’s campaign to eradicate masturbation and launched their own campaigns in support of the practice.

“Apparently our Syrian youth is obsessed with playing with itself,” wrote Abu Fares, an influential blogger from Tartous who started the backlash. “Boys are unable to concentrate on their studies and are looking very pale before prematurely ejaculating and losing consciousness in schools. Their balls are blue and sore as hell and when they sneeze or cough they are allegedly pissing in their pants. They are falling on their backs after bleeding to death from their weenies.”

Abu Fares’ readership, many of them also bloggers, replied with a litany of supportive comments, linking to anti-masturbation campaigns, videos and songs such as Gerald Anderson’s ‘Don’t Play With Your Noodle’, the first verse of which is “If you move it too much it’ll break one day. So you better think twice if your thinkin’ bout’ doin’ it tonight.”

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